Examining My Intentions

I’m back, and happy to be writing again! I appreciate all of you who noticed, enquired about my absence, and offered me kind words and encouragement. And an especially big thank you to those who urged me to continue to write whatever I wish, and to be true to myself regardless of outside influences. You are ALL quite right of course! And I intend to! However, I feel I owe my readers, whom I don’t always see in person, an explanation for my break in writing this past week.

A few off-the-cuff remarks after my last blog post made me think I needed to reevaluate how I was presenting my thoughts. Although cloaked in “jest,” the comments implied that I was seeking “freebies” for writing about or promoting businesses belonging to my friends or acquaintances. Being a pro at hiding my emotions, I politely smiled along with the “jokes.” But to hear people say (out loud!) they think I am writing a blog just to get freebies hurt my feelings. A lot.

Truth be told? It was more like a knife in my delicate, struggling writer’s heart. It stopped me cold in my tracks, because the thought of freebies never even crossed my mind. So I wondered, did people even GET me, or what I was trying to express? Had they read ANY of what I wrote?? Or were they just projecting their own desires for freebies onto me?  Of course, I knew dear hubby didn’t have a clue, he still thinks this blog is about cheesecake and cupcakes! But was everybody else confused as well?

I hadn’t realized how much it mattered to me to have my views be received, but to also be HEARD and UNDERSTOOD. Obsessed that I was being MIS-understood, I spent four days consumed with self-doubt. Was I--even if unintentionally--promoting a business or a friend? Did it really appear I had an ulterior motive buried in my writing? Even worse, was THAT the ONLY thing my readers were taking away from what I was laboring so hard to write about?  If so, OUCH!

 

So I took a step back for a few days, and re-read what I had written in my first sixteen posts, and examined them closely. I WAS being authentic in expressing my thoughts about my quest to accomplish “finding my thing.” After re-reading all sixteen posts several times, I am reassured that I’ve been pretty clear about the purpose of this blog. And anyone who interpreted my posts as seeking freebies, or ANYTHING other than expressing my respect and admiration for people who have found their “thing,” well……  those people just DON’T GET IT. And I'm ok with that now.

I love this guy, and this t-shirt!!

I’m sure it won’t the last time I feel misunderstood, or have my confidence shaken. And I am oddly appreciative of the reminder that it doesn’t hurt to re-examine my “work” from time to time. Ironically, during those four days, I got another jolt to my self-esteem that I’ll be telling you more about tomorrow. But one thing I’ve made my mantra over the years is: “I only write TRUTH.” If you take the time to really absorb that statement, you may understand why it’s often hard for me to write. It’s not easy to write “the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth”-- to throw your honest and heartfelt thoughts out there for everyone to dissect, analyze, reject, or even misunderstand.

But I know what MY truth is: I truly do admire the people I’ve written about so far, for finding, creating, and living their passions. And I will continue write about others that I discover, AND ANYTHING ELSE I damn well please, as I try to find the path to my OWN passions. The people who just don’t "get it" can do as the t-shirt in the picture suggests. Or just go straight to hell. And they can pickup their freebies on the way.