What a Girl Wants, or "My Christmas Wish List"

I haven’t posted for a few days and I feel a little embarrassed. Although I have been writing other things, I haven’t kept up with my commitment to blog every day. It seems I’ve been playing the role of “mom” and “housewife” too much lately, doing lots of cooking and cleaning and laundry, and it’s definitely wearing on me. I’ll be the first to admit, I’m not good at it, just like my mom wasn’t. Just like I’m not good at saying what I want or need from dear hubby, or the teenager who's become our “son,” whom we ADORE, and who is staying with us full time right now.

Our "son!"

But with Christmas just around the corner I decided I needed to start asking for what I want, so I started writing a “ Wish List” the other night. Not because anyone asked what I wished for, but more as an outlet for all that I've been holding in. And, finally the words just came pouring out that evening. It quickly morphed into something more than just a Christmas wish list, and I know it's a little long, but please hang in there with me til the end, because I need to get this off my chest.

So, what DO I want? Well, I want someone to throw away, refill, or replenish anything they’ve emptied, or write it on the shopping list if it’s completely gone. I want someone besides me to take the trash out BEFORE it overflows onto the cupboard floor. I want someone besides me to notice the breadcrumbs around the toaster, the juice spills in front of the fridge, or the jelly smeared on the counter, and wipe it up themselves. And the dried toothpaste in the sink. Just once.

And once in a while I want someone to say, “Can I help you make dinner tonight?” I want someone (besides me) to push their chair back in when leaving the dinner table, after saying, “Thank you for working SO hard on that delicious meal.” Even if it wasn’t delicious. Every so often, I want someone to offer, “Let me do the dishes tonight, you go relax.” Even if it was a bad day and you don’t feel like it. I have bad days too, I just never tell you. I know everyone works hard, and I appreciate it. And I probably won't take you up on the offer anyway. But honestly, I despise being “JUST the housewife" and cooking and cleaning and whatnot, and I rarely ever truly FEEL like doing any of it. Truthfully, I was NEVER cut out for this, but I do it to care for you, and for US. And I always appreciate the offer to help, even if it's refused.

I also want to be told your clothes need washed the DAY before, NOT the hour before, they are needed. I’m not asking anyone to do the laundry-GOD FORBID, please DON’T touch my clothes! Just give me a little advance notice, and I’d be happy to do it for you. But I am not a servant or an employee waiting to jump at your every request. I do have other things I am working on, even if it appears I’m just “looking at my computer.” Whether you don't understand, or don't want to believe it, I AM aspiring to become more than just the maid, cook, meal server, and laundry facilitator. And I intend to succeed.

I want someone to go downstairs in the dark with me every single night to take the puppies out to potty without fail. I want someone to say, “I am aware you have an irregular, childish fear of the dark, and even though I don’t understand it, I know it is very real to you, and I will not belittle you. I’m here to protect you, night and day, no matter what.” I want someone who will not make fun of my fears in front of others or write them off as irrational. I don’t ask for much, but I’m asking for this.

I'm Listening!

I want someone to say, “Tell me about your day,” and actually listen while I explain my day. No multi-tasking, writing of invoices, taking phone calls, checking email or texts, channel surfing, or scanning the internet at the same time. No wandering away while I speak, saying, “Go on, I can hear you from outside.” Just someone to be present, and actually listen. With eye contact. Even if only for ten minutes.

I want someone to say, “You look really beautiful today” and mean it--even if I’m a filthy, sweaty mess and haven’t showered all day. I’d love someone to say, “That dress/jewelry/hat, etc., would look great on you!” and then go buy it for me. And have it actually look good on me. Or suggest, “Get out your fanciest dress out and highest heels, fix your hair, and be ready by 7!” And not tell me where we’re going. It could be just a date at home, or a simple picnic dinner on a blanket under the stars, a drive to a romantic hideaway, or a unique destination. I want someone to wake me up with breakfast in bed. AFTER the dogs have been fed and let out to potty. French toast with lots of butter and syrup. Not everyday, once is enough. Ok, maybe twice. Surprise me, and I just might surprise you.

And finally, I want two back-to-back days off from ALL household duties, including cooking, each week. Yes, TWO whole days, a weekend, free from cooking, cleaning, laundry, and caring for the entire family! Everybody else gets days off, I want a weekend too. I’ll even compromise and accept just one day, as long as it’s completely free from caring for anyone other than myself. No household chores, laundry, cooking, or cleaning. I'll even up the ante by caring for "the kids" since they can't care for themselves. Because we all know, weekends are meant for enjoying time with your family and friends, appreciating the beauty and excitement life has to offer, and relaxing and recharging your batteries. And I'd like to have one day a week to do just that.

I’m only asking for one day each week. Maybe we could spend it together and do something fun. Because when you look back on these days from the future, I guarantee you it won't be the memories of the days you worked so hard and your house was clean and your yard was perfect that you'll cherish.

So what do I really want? I want what most people want, someone to care FOR me, not just receive my caretaking. Someone to share my life with me, not just share my chores with. I want someone to occasionally say my name lovingly, like a song or a soft, sweet caress, as they would say the name of their beloved. I don't want to hear my name as just the demanding, identifying sound called out only when something is wanted or can’t be found. I want what I'm sure every mom wants, because even though I am not truly a mom, I sure do feel like one lately.

I'm not saying dear hubby, or our "son" do not do these things. They do. I also know I am just as guilty of forgetting to do the little things that mean so much, which is what prompted this diatribe and served as a reminder to me as well. But the best part of this list? It doesn’t even have to be Christmas to give or receive any of these gifts. Very few of them need gift wrap, or even a bow. And I think I'd better go get started working on some of these things myself right now.