Bold, Black, and Beautiful (and Forever)--And I Love It !

Yummy!

Last week, on the way home from getting my eyelids tattooed, I stopped to grab a frappuccino at a little coffee shop in the village called Brewed Awakenings. They have all kinds of great hot and cold coffees, blended fruit smoothies, shaved ices, shakes, and other delicious drinks, as well as pastries, snacks, and free wi-fi. I hope to spend more time there soon because it’s the perfect atmosphere to do my writing. You can check them out here on Facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/brewed.awakenings.7?fref=ts

WAIT – BACK UP! Did I really just say that I got my EYELIDS TATOOED? Yep. I did. I tattooed my eyelids. But not in the skull and crossbones, barbed wire, tribal ring, or roses and fairies-kind-of-tattoo way that you’re thinking.

Before  - No makeup

I had a perfectly simple, bold, black line tattooed at the edge of my eyelids, on both the upper and lower lash lines. Yes, I now have PERMANENT eyeliner. It’s bold, it’s black, and I think it’s beautiful. And yes, it's forever. In the words of my stepmom, who immediately messaged me on Facebook when I mentioned I’d had it done, “ISN’T THAT A LITTLE DRASTIC!?”

Well, no, at least I don’t think so. Because wearing eye makeup simply makes me feel “put together." It makes me feel like I used feel when I was still myself--you know, the self I was before my brain surgery, and the self I was before we decided to move to Belize where I sweat all the time and haven’t been able to wear a stitch of makeup because it just melts off and runs down my face.

During the Process

It may surprise you (or maybe not) that I haven’t felt like myself, or even very “put together” for quite some time. My once razor-sharp memory and near-perfect eyesight now fail me routinely. My body has betrayed me, becoming unfamiliar and bloated with fat while I recovered from surgery, and leaving me with a closet full of skinny-girl clothes that mock me from their hangers. Previously tanned and blond, I am now scarred and pale, and gifted with an unruly mop of shorter, darker, curlier hair that stands straight up in places thanks to the scars on my skull. And I can barely even get my hair to go straight or “bleach blond” anymore. All this, plus being unable to wear any makeup, left me feeling like a fat, bland, washed out, bizarre version of my former self. Nothing about me seemed the same, at least on the outside.

Finished! 

Except my eyes. Thankfully, I still have the big, dark, soulful eyes I was born with. Eyes that sparkle and shine, and are highlighted by long, full lashes. Eyes that, with just a little bit of eyeliner and maybe some mascara, still “pop." Eyes that sometimes help me to project the animated, lively person I feel like inside, and help people notice the hidden, playful personality behind the bulky trifocals I am now damned to wear.

So while it may be vain, having permanent eye makeup simply makes me feel good. It helps me feel more like myself and it helps me to project the REAL ME beneath the surface, something I haven’t done for a long time.

One Day After - You can't even tell they're a tiny bit swollen!

So no, it doesn’t seem drastic at all to me. It’s a simple thing that I could do to help me return to feeling a bit like my “old” self, one small thing to feel “put together” again. And it's one small step towards feeling just a tiny bit more normal.

Funniest "Selfie" ever taken! (Immediately afterwards)

Did it hurt? Of course it hurts a little, after all, it’s hundreds of tiny needles piercing your eyelids thousands of times over. But honestly, I didn’t think it hurt that much, and I had imagined much worse! Of course, it is very close to your eyeballs, which is a little scary and yes, my eyes watered and burned a little, but only during the process. And the topical ointment really works to numb most of it. Afterwards, I had little bit of swelling for one day, and it just felt like I had scratched my eyelids, which is exactly what was done. But that was it.  No REAL pain. REALLY.

2nd Day After - No makeup!

In my eyes (pun intended), it was a very small price--in dollars and in discomfort--to help me get back to feeling a bit more like my old self -- back to my confident, vibrant, ALIVE, and pre-aneurysm self.

So, welcome back, old self! We’ve still got some more work to do to get back in the groove, but damn, I’m happy to see you. I hope you stick around for a while, I've missed you.

**Many, many thanks to my friend and tattoo artist, Sandy Baum Azancot, of Pirate Gyal Tattoos, https://www.facebook.com/PirateGyalTattoos who did such great work, and who was kind enough to indulge my blogging habit and take the "during" pictures for me. If you’re thinking about getting it permanent eyeliner for yourself and have questions, just let me know, I’d be happy to tell you more about my experience. Or just get in touch with Sandy, I HIGHLY recommend her work!