Trapped Behind the Velvet Ropes

The Mayan Mountains

What a gorgeous morning in Placencia! It’s warm, but not too hot yet. The sun is glinting off the water, lighting up the tips of the mountains behind us. It’s breathtaking. We’re having one of our frequent power outages, but my “Mactop” is charged up so I can sit on the deck and catch a breeze while I write, and just soak in the beauty!

So I wanted share with you another jolt I received while I was wallowing in self-absorption and questioning my writing abilities. Someone I know got published. Let me emphasize that: SOMEONE that I KNOW got PUBLISHED! That may not seem like a big deal to some of you. But for a “wanna be” writer like me, it’s one of those milestone moments we all strive for. And while I’m genuinely pleased for my fellow writer, even though I don't know them that well, it also causes my heart to constrict ever so slightly with envy. Because I want that to happen for myself someday too.

Rock Stars!

For me, it’s like being a musician and seeing your band-mate become a huge rock star in a popular band -- the band YOU always wanted to play in and know all their songs by heart. It’s like being an actress and seeing your cast-mate land a pivotal role that was perfect for YOU, and go on to become wildly famous. Of course, you knew that script like the back of your hand. But of course, you’re THRILLED for your friend, they worked hard for it, and they finally made it! Their success is a beautiful thing! But you’re left standing on the sidelines, trapped behind the velvet ropes of their red carpet moment, happy for them but wanting what they’ve achieved for yourself. Childish, selfish, and petty, I know. I'm a bit ashamed.

Big deal, right? So what’s really got my panties in a bunch? Well, the article was written about two people that we know well, who became our first close friends in the village. And it was in a publication that I’ve been following closely for at least five years and secretly hoped to write for myself someday. For a long time, I’ve read and studied this company’s style and its submission requirements closely, and I’ve often hoped to see my work in their pages. I have written at least a hundred articles for them over the years. BUT ONLY IN MY HEAD. Although I’ve wanted to, I have never submitted a single word to this publication. I didn't think I was ready! But my acquaintance felt they were, and did. And although their work may not have been quite perfect (in my critical writer's eyes), it still got published.

I know I can hear you all yelling at me, “So just be happy for your friend, and start submitting your own work, you jackass!” I am, and I will. The biggest "take-away" for me is that even though the work wasn't without a few minor flaws--again, in my humble opinion--the editor still considered their work good enough to publish. This realization has been a turning point for me, nudging me to take some serious action toward submitting my own work. Even if I don't feel it's completely perfect yet.

And that’s what Oprah would call having an “aha moment!” I’ve spent some time reconsidering the height of the bar I have set for myself. I’ve been reassessing the level of “flawlessness” I thought I had to achieve before I was ready to submit my work. And I’ve also been seriously thinking about what’s REALLY been holding me back from accomplishing my goal of "being a writer." Because the truth is, no matter how arrogant, repulsive, appalling, or self-righteous it sounds to say, I believe that I COULD have--and SHOULD have--done a better job writing that article about our friends. And tomorrow, I’ll talk more about all of those things! Hope to see you then!